Upset wins from the Bulldogs and Cowboys robbed the Stats Insider NRL model of a perfect round last week as it cruised to victory over the guest tipster foolish enough to challenge it.

Sadly, that guest tipster was me and despite feeling good about my tips, I managed to hit just 2/8 which is yet further proof that in this age of powerful (and totally free!) sports data, I should just do what I’ve been telling you lot to do and #trustthemodel. 

The Knights fell 2pts short of holding the line against Penny last Thursday which meant the model had it’s first week in the red of the season, nailing the Broncos/Eels Overs play to finish 1/3 in Round 7. 

So after seven (7) rounds the model is sitting at 75% in the tipping (42/56) and 65% (13/20) in the bets, putting us right into the contention mix heading into the winter slog.

And speaking of contention, it’s at this point in the story I’ll bring in my special guest tipster this week, none other than the Federal Minister for Defence Peter ‘you are so dobbed on’ Dutton.

The Minister has very kindly taken the time out of his busy schedule of frivolous litigation and eroding fundamental democratic safeguards to join us for a little chin wag about the footy this weekend.

His skin may be about as thin as the player retention at the Brisbane Broncos and he can evidently ping a (heart) string quicker than Josh Dugan or Terry Campese, but he is here having a go so lets give him a round of applause shall we. 

No really, clap ffs. Before he sues us!

Raiders v Rabbitohs

Dutton: I’m not sure about this ‘mental rest’ business that Sticky is on about. It very much implies that those of us that work and don’t have a week off are less mentally sound, which very much sounds like Stuart is calling me mentally disabled in some way. He is so sued. I’ll still take the Raiders though, as the overall colour of their, er, defence, is a little more to my liking. 

Model: Rabbitohs

Green Smiley Watch: 

Storm v Sharks

Dutton: I have a coworker who absolutely loves the Sharks so I’ll look like I do too. He really does love them. Well it’s not so much his love as it is god’s love channeled through him. You know though, I reckon god would love the Sharks a lot more if we could get some South African farmers into that backrow. 

Model: Storm

Green Smiley Watch: 

Broncos v Titans

Dutton: I was just yesterday commenting to someone on twitter how shit the Broncos are now, and you’d never believe it, the nutcase is suing me! I couldn’t believe it. I tried to highlight to him that they are, by any objective measure, really shit at footy now, but he was having none of it this guy. Said his feelings were hurt and I should lawyer up. What a nut bar. I like the Titans here, but fuct if I’ll say it on twitter, some maniac is likely to sue. 

Model: Titans

Green Smiley Watch: First green smiley of the week (at this early stage, remember the model is constantly updating so always check prior to kick off). The model likes the Over 44.5pts here, continuing a trend of finding edges in the Broncos Totals markets. 

Panthers v Sea Eagles

Dutton: I saw that Black Panther film at the pictures, I was not impressed, and there is something about Manly that just makes me feel better, even just saying it. Manly. I just get a little self-confidence boost. Manly. 

Model: Panthers

Green Smiley Watch: 

Bulldogs v Eels

Dutton: I’ve always felt that the decision in 1934 by the NSWRL to accept and settle the Canterbury Bankstown Bulldogs was a mistake. Go Eels

Model: Eels

Green Smiley Watch: The model likes the edge (7%) in the line market for the Bulldogs to hold what is a significant 19.5pt line. Keep an eye on market movements this line could move out even further closer to kick off. 

Knights v Roosters

Dutton: I really feel sorry for Kaylyn Ponga, I mean, the poor kid’s surname all but confirms he stinks. Poor kid must get ‘Ponga’ all the time. I went to his house with 3 of my 38 lawyers to try to convince him that feigning hurt feelings about something someone says about you that you don’t give two shits about is a great way to make lots of money through our broken legal system, but he told me to ‘piss off baldy’. So naturally I’m suing him. Go Roosters. 

Model: Roosters

Green Smiley Watch: Third and final (at this stage) bet for this week, the model liking another Overs play this time at the 41.5pt mark (a 7% edge).

Warriors v Cowboys

Dutton: I bloody hate kiwis. Every time I see one they always say the same thing, ’oh hey cuz, leave that Harry alone hey brew’ and ‘Oh hey brew, stop picking on little Harry’.  When I tell them we’re not cousins and ask who the fuck Harry is they just laugh at me! So now I just deport underaged criminals over there. That will show them. Go Cowboys. 

Model: Warriors

Green Smiley Watch: 

Dragons v Tigers

Dutton: I’m liking what I’m hearing from the Wests side about recruiting this English bloke Gildart. I always thought giving a contract to Farah was a mistake, I’ve never liked him, there is just something about him that makes me want to deport him. I’ve said as much and worse on twitter, so now hopefully all I have to do is wait for someone to draw a few obvious and sensible conclusions and voila, some feigned hurt feelings and its counting cash for me and down with democracy for the rest of you.

Model: Dragons

Green Smiley Watch: 

Well there we have it, thanks to our special guest for his insightful and not-at-all offensive or damaging thoughts and opinions, I sure hope he wins lotto on his way home, what a legend of a man. 

No wait, is ‘man’ too offensive for him? 

Demigod. Yes, what an absolute legend of a demigod he is. 

And speaking of gods, may they all band together to help you all through this article and these times. 

Remember, the chief point of this nonsensical and largely unfunny little yarn is to get you to see how much better the Stats Insider model is than you at doing your tipping, so make it part of your weekly routine and start climbing up those ladders. 

Until next week (if we have not been shut down!)

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